Awake at 2:30am…again

Do you ever find yourself awake at night worrying about your kids even when they are right upstairs?

I worry about 2 that aren’t even my own…I have become one of their parents by marriage. So we are thrown together in this weird parent-child-like situation. Their father sleeps peacefully – and he loves them, he’s a great dad – yet here I am the one awake.

So, what do I worry about? Every parent’s great fears: what are they doing sexually? Are they trying drugs? Are they drinking at parties? Do they sneak out at night here or at their friends? Do we really know them and what’s going on with them?

And just when you get to the point where you think “Nah, they are great kids! We are lucky! We have nothing to worry about.” Something happens.

My youngest has a friend I’m just not sure about…seems fine but parents’ relationship dynamics makes me raise my eyebrows…uses language on social media that I don’t like…and tonight my daughter gets home from this friends house at 9:15pm and then immediately begs to go back…has a bit of a meltdown. Odd. She’s 14 – hormones? Then I wake up at 1am because I hear her upstairs…I check Twitter…and amongst the usually silly stuff there it is:

“I wish my parents were cool like everyone else’s”

????????????????

What? Why are other people’s parents cool? What did we do to not be cool? Frankly, I could careless about being “cool”. What concerns me is the comparison. Do these other parents let their kids drink? Smoke? Etc?

I know of one set of parents who let kids drink underage at their home. Kids who are not theirs. How can people be so irresponsible? How could you do that to other parents??

So now, I lie awake. Being deprived of my sleep because I want to know what it means. I will ask her tomorrow, but will I get the truth?

Dear God, protect my children. I know a family who grieve the loss of their daughter tonight because of texting while driving. Protect my children from harm – harm from others and harm from themselves. Help us know how to guide them. This is my prayer.

I miss the days when my prayers were about myself. Loving others – young ones – is hard work. I long for simplicity.

It’s 3am. Their twitter is silent. Are they finally asleep and thankful for a safe home full of love?

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